Two Stewardship Jokes

A man opened a new business and his best friend sent him a floral arrangement. The friend dropped in a few days later to visit his buddy and was distressed to see that the flowers had a sign that read, “Rest in Peace.” The friend was furious and called the florist to complain. When the florist heard his complaint, she replied “That’s it! I am firing the driver who makes my deliveries. If your friend received the “Rest in Peace”flowers, that can only mean that somewhere at Fairview Cemetery there is floral arrangement that reads “Congratulations on your new location.”

If that joke made you smile, remember that 2 Corinthians 9:7 tells us that “The Lord loveth a cheerful giver.” If it didn’t make you smile, you should remember He also accepteth from a grouch.

The local bar patrons were so sure that their bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass and hand the lemon to a contender. Anyone who could squeeze just one more drop of juice out of the lemon would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, lumberjacks, longshoremen, etc) but nobody could do it. One day a short, thin, grey-haired, little old lady came into the bar wearing thick glasses and a belted, polyester housedress. She announced to the bartender in a faint, tiny, squeaky little voice, “I’d like to try the test.”

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, “OK,” grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the dry, wrinkled, remains of the lemon rind to the little old lady. The old lady clenched her fist around the lemon and the crowd’s laughter turned into total silence as one single drop fell into the glass — then another and another. Six drops in all were squeezed from the emaciated lemon rind.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000 and asked the little old lady “What did you do for a living?”

An almost imperceptible smile came across the little old lady’s lips as she replied, “I’m retired now, but for 35 years I was the treasurer at Lebanon Valley Lutheran Church.” Sometimes I think that this woman and Holy Trinity’s treasurer must be related — siblings, maybe.

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